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I am grateful to BFO-MR and the other brave people who shared their stories

I will never forget the short walk from the McMaster Emergency department to our car, which was parked a few feet away from the building. A short distance but the longest walk I’ve ever encountered. My husband carried the empty car seat that was supposed to contain my six-month old baby boy. But he had died that day after being ill for the duration of his short life. No one should have to take that horrible walk without his or her beloved child. No one should have to endure that kind of loss in a lifetime.

The other thing we carried home that day was an envelope of paperwork given to us by the hospital social worker, which weeks later I discovered had a pamphlet for Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region. I didn’t quite know how I would cope with this immeasurable loss. However, my son was a twin and his sister was waiting for us at home with her grandparents. She would need to be fed and changed and burped and loved. So I had to do something because I needed to be present for my daughter. I wouldn’t get the chance to sit and cry for days, weeks or months mourning my son. I went home to be a capable, loving mother.

I joined the BFO-MR infant loss group. I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to share my story with strangers. I remember sitting in the parking lot that first night of group and watching people enter the building, they looked so kind and they were sad too. I am grateful to BFO-MR and to the other brave people who shared their stories with me in order for us all to cope with the loss of our infants in a healthy, productive way.

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