Category: Blog

Recently during a busy time, moving from one residence to another, Bill unintentionally missed a Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region (BFO-MR) event that he had been planning to attend. But like family does, someone from the organization called just to check in to see how he was doing.

“That’s exactly what it’s like,” Bill reflected, “it’s like family.”.

Bill’s relationship with the BFO-MR family began decades ago after he and his wife Lee stood across the threshold of their front door from two officers who informed them their 19-year-old son Ryan had been in a car accident and that he had not survived.

“Lee crumpled, almost to the floor, but I caught her,” says Bill, the words catching in his throat and his eyes glistening with tears as that moment came back to him as if it had just happened. He knew right then that nothing would ever be the same again. The weeks and months that followed saw Bill and Lee simply supporting each other just to make it through another day.

“I completely lost all of my self-confidence,” Bill says. “And I was no longer able to do the life’s work that used to bring me meaning and purpose.”

After a year of this dark reality, where grief affected his ability to do his job, Bill took an early exit package and soon after, he and Lee began meeting with a counsellor to learn how to live with the devastating impact of their loss.

After a number of months working one-on-one with their counsellor, she introduced Bill and Lee to the BFO-MR program for parents grieving the death of a child. That was their first experience  working within a group dynamic.

“When Lee died 15 years after Ryan’s death, a whole new level of grief visited and I was almost incapacitated by the loss,” says Bill. “Some days, it was too challenging to just get going. I remember days when I would lay down on the floor and fall asleep there, with my cat curled up next to me, because that’s all I could manage in that moment.”

Bill became aware of and joined the Cambridge Living with Loss group. He quickly knew he had found his “tribe”. A trained facilitator led the group, but each of the participants was strongly encouraged to share their story, talk about what they had been learning, and to comment on the impact of grief in their lives. While sharing his story and insights about his own experience, Bill noticed that his self-confidence began to grow and a sense of purpose that had once been lost became very present again.

With this new heartbreaking loss, Bill was grateful for the ongoing support of BFO-MR’s Cambridge Living with Loss group – a group that has surrounded him with love and understanding. Every person at BFO-MR—volunteer, member, or facilitator—has experienced a loss so they understand what he’s going through and can give him the space to share and to learn from others, he says.

Now, with a new life partner, a renewed sense of self-confidence, and a passion for walking with others on their journeys, Bill finds a deeper level of meaning and purpose through the Living with Loss group as a trained facilitator. He can’t imagine his life without the connection to others who grieve, he says.

MEDIA RELEASE

Volunteer shortage could mean cancellation of Mount Forest Living with Loss program

When grieving the death of a loved one, being in a group with people who understand and empathize can have incredible healing power. Unfortunately, individuals attending a grief support program in Mount Forest may no longer have this group to turn to if an urgent need for peer facilitators isn’t met.

“As a peer support organization, we rely on volunteers who are bereaved themselves to run our programs,” says Jaime Bickerton, Executive Director of Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region (BFO-MR). “Since our Living with Loss program launched in Mount Forest in 2016, we have had a dedicated group of volunteers to lead this group. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case and if we aren’t successful in recruiting new volunteers, we fear we may have to cancel the program in this community.”

Living with Loss is currently offered in Mount Forest on the first Wednesday of every month out of the Birmingham Retirement Community. Two volunteers facilitate each session, which features a specific topic or theme that the members discuss. Approximately eight to 12 people attend each group.

To date, efforts to recruit new, consistent facilitators for this group have been unsuccessful. BFO-MR is currently offering its 20-hour training program in November and hopes to see representatives from the Mount Forest area attend.

There are currently facilitators to cover groups for the balance of the year, but nothing is yet confirmed for 2019.

“It’s very sad to think we may have to cancel this group, particularly since we know it is so needed in this community,” says Bickerton. “It is definitely not a decision we are taking lightly, but we may not have a choice.”

Bickerton suspects that nerves may be part of what is preventing some people from becoming a peer facilitator with this group. Time commitment may also be a factor. It is anticipated volunteers contribute approximately four hours per month preparing for and actually running the group.

“We want any potential volunteers to know that they aren’t expected to have all the answers or to “fix” anyone. As a peer, our facilitators bring their experience into group, encourage conversation, dialogue and an exploration of thoughts, feelings and emotions. They help others share their story and most importantly, help them understand they are not alone.”

Information about BFO-MR’s upcoming volunteer facilitator training program can be found online at www.bfomidwest.org, or by contacting the office at 226-780-7236 or emailing support@bfomidwest.org.

For more information, please contact:
Jaime Bickerton, Executive Director
Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region
T: 226-780-7236  E: jaime@bfomidwest.org

In 2016, Beth Horst and Jamie Pepper became members of a club that no one wants to belong to, the heart-breaking fellowship of parents who’ve lost a child.

After their son Elliott died during delivery in 2016, the couple found the unexpected shock and grief overwhelming.

“Simple things like going to the grocery store felt impossible,” Beth says. “I had experienced quite a bit of loss and grief in my life—I’d actually been widowed previously. But to lose a child was something else.”

On top of the pain, the couple felt “like we were on an island,” surrounded by people who, however well-meaning, couldn’t really understand their pain.

A safe, supportive environment
Beth found herself searching for information, “for stories, life experiences, and coping strategies. I wanted to know how other people in this horrible club were managing their grief.”

The couple learned about Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region (BFO-MR) through the hospital social worker and attended Living with Loss and a group for parents grieving the death of an infant.

Here was a safe and supportive environment where they could begin to process their grief and share their story with people who truly understood.

“So many points of each couples’ story differed, but our feelings and processes were quite similar,” Beth says. “Holding to the idea that the grief for one’s child is unlike any other grief was an important and unifying distinction.”

In addition, group members were introduced to concepts like delayed grief, which is prevalent in partners who put aside their own pain to focus on the mother’s physical and mental health. As a result, when delayed grief hit Jamie later in the year, he felt better prepared to deal with it.

The shared experiences in the group also prepared Beth and Jamie to move forward with a second pregnancy. They weren’t alone; four of the five couples in the group now have new babies. And the friendships that developed in the group remain strong.

Overcoming isolation
Eighteen months after they first came to BFO-MR, Jamie and Beth returned. But this time, they were looking for ways to give back.

Jamie is now a infant loss group facilitator. It’s challenging to be in that space again, he says.

“In the third week of group couples share their experiences and their stories are extremely heavy. I expect I won’t be able to hold my head very high that week.”

But despite the pain, facilitating was something he needed to do. Very few men lead groups and he feels it’s important to offer a father’s perspective.

While Beth considered facilitating, as a new mother and a professional singer with an unpredictable work schedule, that wasn’t feasible. Instead, she decided to share her talents through a benefit concert which raised $3,000 for BFO-MR.

“We sang music that we thought the community would enjoy. A lot of it had themes of birth and love and death and it was challenging. But it was special, too.”

Through their contributions, Beth and Jamie hope to help other grieving parents overcome the sense of isolation they once felt.

“Death is still a taboo subject in our culture,” Beth says. “We want our experience to be made a little bit more open and available to others. We want to make it a tiny bit easier for another couple.”

The past few months have brought about a lot of change at Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region and it is important to us that we keep our members and supporters up-to-date. It’s been a little while since we shared, so as we embark on a new year, we wanted to fill you in on what has been happening around the office and out in the community.

Around the office:

In July we welcomed Anum Syeda to the position of Events and Administrative Coordinator. If you attended the Butterfly Release/Walk to Remember or the Tree of Bright Stars ceremony or called into the office lately, you have likely already met (or at least talked to) Anum. She will be instrumental in ensuring our fundraising and memorial events run smoothly, and providing administrative support in the office to make sure WE run smoothly.

In September BFO-MR welcomed Jaime Bickerton as our new Executive Director. Jaime is looking forward to building on the successes created by Rose Greensides, building awareness about the work we do, and ensuring more people in our community can access peer grief support. We thank Rose for her incredible leadership over the almost 10 years she was with us and we wish her the best in her future endeavours.

We will also soon be welcoming a new person in the role of Program Coordinator as Alex Bissley will be going on maternity leave at the end of January.  Stay tuned for more information on this.

In the community:

2015 was an amazing year for BFO-MR. We are proud of the successes we have accomplished, most notably bringing peer grief support to Wellington County. Significant outreach work has been undertaken which has resulted in the launch of Living with Loss in Mount Forest and we are proud to be supporting this community. You can read more about that here.

We also have a renewed focus on educating the public about peer grief support and will be working hard at connecting with agencies, organizations and individuals in this community as well as Cambridge and North Dumfries to spread the word.

2016 will also see us shining the spotlight on volunteerism. People use this expression a lot, but we truly could not do what we do without our volunteers. Increasing the number of volunteers who can facilitate our groups means we can support more people. Increasing the number of volunteers who help organize or run our events, means even more success honouring our loved ones and raising funds for our organization. To everyone who currently volunteers with us – THANK YOU for all that you do. To anyone who wishes to get involved, please let us know. We would love to hear from you.  There are lots of opportunities outside of facilitating that we would be happy to talk through with you.

Thank you for your support, understanding and trust as we’ve gone through this transition. We are excited about the direction we are going and look forward to what 2016 will bring.

The Board of Directors is pleased to announce the appointment of Jaime Bickerton as Executive Director of Bereaved Families of Ontario – Midwestern Region.

Jaime has been a member of Midwestern Region since 2008 and has served as a director on the Board for the past three years, most recently as vice-chair. She has been an engaged, committed and active member of the board who was instrumental in helping us refine our brand identity, launch our website, increase awareness of our programs and services in the community and has helped the Board maintain Midwestern Region’s growth momentum and stability. She is also the lead organizer for our Let the Good Times Bowl event which doubled expected revenues in its inaugural year.

Jaime comes to us from The Letter M Marketing as a Senior Account Manager where she spent 16 years building a successful marketing and communications career with a special niche in the not-for-profit sector. She’s a strategic thinker with strong leadership capabilities and extensive experience leading project teams and volunteer committees. In addition to her project work, Jaime was responsible for overseeing the client services department and prided herself on the long-standing relationships she was able to build with her clients.

Jaime has enjoyed a vibrant career volunteering for a number of organizations that have provided leadership, event planning, fundraising and committee/volunteer management opportunities and experience. She has had long-standing volunteer roles with a number of organizations including the Children’s Foundation of Guelph and Wellington and the Volunteer Centre of Guelph/Wellington and has also served on event planning committees for the Heart & Stroke Foundation and personally organized a third-party fundraising event for the Grand River Regional Cancer Centre.

As she begins her new role with Midwestern Region, Jaime looks forward to meeting the membership, building on the successes that have been achieved and developing a greater capacity for BFO-MR that will allow us to support even more people along their grief journeys.